


Believe Our Future

by Goldom



Series: The Ballad of Arisa and Kasumi [2]
Category: BanG Dream! (Anime), BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, F/F, Future Fic, Internalized Homophobia, Introspection, Marriage Proposal, Near Future
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-05
Updated: 2019-01-05
Packaged: 2019-10-04 16:20:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17307836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Goldom/pseuds/Goldom
Summary: Arisa can't see a way forward after graduation.





	Believe Our Future

**Author's Note:**

> Short sequel to Light Delight. You could read it alone, but it'll sound OOC without the developments from that story.
> 
> This piece uses a custom work skin with color-coded text, but should be legible with an accessible theme or screen reader as long as it can distinguish [em] tags.

_Later…_

Arisa’s world was ending. She wanted, tried desperately to believe that she was overreacting, but ever since her second anniversary with Kasumi, she’d been watching the months pass on the calendar with growing dread. And now it had finally arrived: They were out of high school. Adults. And she knew that meant there were only weeks remaining until, inevitably, she would be alone again.

The band would go on. She told herself to be grateful for that small relief. Tae and Rimi would be attending university locally, and Sāya was taking over the family bakery full time to give her mother a chance to recuperate. Kasumi had half-heartedly applied to and been rejected by a few schools she knew she didn’t have a chance at, then seemed to give up on the idea altogether. So with Arisa stuck doing more of the work at Ryūseido, and needing to taking care of her grandparents more and more often, the whole group would still be nearby.

That was as far as she could bring herself to plan. PoPiPa was actually finding commercial success, and they should have at least a couple more years of popularity. A couple more years to figure out what a former teenage pop star does with the rest of her life.

Arisa wanted to run to Kasumi and tell her everything on her mind, to be wrapped into a huge hug and be told that she’d be okay. But after months of struggle, therapy and medication changes, this last year Kasumi had finally broken through a wall in her depression, and Arisa refused to do anything that might pop that bubble, even if it meant suffering alone.

And she kept silent because towering over all her other concerns was the one that had her in tears nightly for the last week: _We have to break up._

* * *

“Goodnight!” called Sāya as she finished packing her drums and headed out of the basement.

Since school had ended, Kasumi had been spending the night at Arisa’s house more often than not. However, ever since Arisa’s grandfather finally realized the two were dating a year ago, Kasumi had been relegated to sleeping in the basement practice room – which Arisa got very good at sneaking in and out of.

Smiling at the memory, Arisa began to stand up. “I should probably be getting to my room…” she said, then saw the look in Kasumi’s eyes. _Angry?_

“What’s wrong?” Kasumi accused her.

“What? Nothing, it’s just la—”

“Don’t lie to me, Ari. You know you can’t keep a secret. You’ve been running off to bed every night as soon as we finish practice.”

Arisa put her arms around her girlfriend. _How many more times can I do this?_ “It’s really nothing, Hoshi. I’m just getting used to living on a different schedule.” _She can’t resist when I call her that._ “Come on, just give me a good night kiss?”

“Don’t ‘Hoshi’ me. Liar.” Kasumi gave her a push back into her chair. “You talk or I’m going home.”

Arisa felt her eyes heat up, all the pressure of the last months threatening to burst out at now having hurt Kasumi like this. She squeezed them shut, willing herself to keep control. _This has to happen eventually._ After a few slow breaths, she let out a meek, “I’m scared of what comes next.”

Kasumi sat down next to her and wrapped herself around an arm. “What’s wrong?”

“Now that we’re out of school … everyone’s moving on in their lives. And I’m just…” She paused to breathe, trying not to cry at how Kasumi had begun stroking her hand. “I’m just going to be left here with nothing but my memories, a junk shop and nursing my grandparents.”

“Ari … that’s not true. We’re all still here.”

“For how long?” Arisa looked at Kasumi, trying to harden her eyes. _This is reality. She has to understand._ “Really, how long do you think a pop group can stay popular? A few years? And that’s if the others don’t get too busy with their new lives. And then what? I don’t know how to do anything else.”

“I don’t know,” whispered Kasumi. Then firmly, “I don’t know either. But I’m sure it will work out. We’ll always have each other.”

_God damn it, doesn’t she understand?_ “No we won’t.”

“What?”

Kasumi pulled back, struck.

_I’m so sorry._ “We’re grown up now. We’re supposed to … move on … have families … you know…” she trailed off.

Kasumi stood up so suddenly she nearly knocked Arisa off her chair. “With men. Is that it? We’re supposed to grow up and fall in love with men. Is this your grandfather again?”

Arisa couldn’t meet Kasumi’s stare. “It’s not just him. He’s right; out in the real world we can’t —”

“You just decided that on your own? I know you can’t really believe that Class S crap.” Kasumi was yelling. They’d had arguments before, but even at their worst, Kasumi had never yelled at her. “You look me in the eyes and you tell me this has all just been a practice run for a man.”

_No!_ “No! _I love you so much_ But—”

“I never knew you were such a coward.”

“Huh? Where do you—” Arisa cut off, having finally looked up and noticed that Kasumi’s yelling had masked the fact that her face was soaked in tears.

“You coward,” she repeated, turning away.

Anger overrode Arisa’s pain and gave her the strength to speak. “But what good is that when no one will accept it? Oh sure, two little girls playing in love together, that’s cute. But we’re grown up now, if we keep it up we’ll be…” She didn’t know how to finish, but Kasumi spoke up.

“What? We’ll be weird? Freaks? Rejected? And you’re so afraid of that you’ll break my heart instead. Coward.”

“Stop calling me that!” _I know I am._

“Then stop being one.” Without looking back, Kasumi headed for the stairs.

_Shit, shit, shit—_ Arisa’s mind froze, but her body responded automatically. She leapt up, ran forward and grabbed Kasumi from behind. “Don’t go like this.”

“If you’re breaking up with me, let me go already. Stop making it harder.”

_I don’t want to, can’t you see that?_ “I…” Unanswered, Kasumi tried to pull away, but Arisa clung on with all her strength. _Why can’t I just let her go? I know I have to._ “I don’t want to lose you, but I don’t know what else to do!”

Kasumi stopped struggling. Still facing away, she quietly answered, “That’s the first honest thing you’ve said all night.” Arisa tried to catch her breath, winded from restraining the taller girl. “Well?” Kasumi asked. “Are you going to talk to me for real, or are we done?”

“Hoshi, please, I—“

“Yes or no. You can’t break up with me then come running to me to console you.”

_I really am a coward either way._ She buried her face into Kasumi’s back. “I still want you.”

* * *

Kasumi was sitting across from her, one leg over the other, arms folded. Arisa stared at the floor. _I can’t even break up without screwing it up. It’s not like anything’s changed._ “So?” The voice pulled her up. “Are you going to say something?”

_I have to make her understand._ “My grandparents took me in when I lost mom and dad. They’ve given me everything they had, raised me like their own and took care of me, even when I was a delinquent brat. They’re the only family I have. And I’m … the only child they have now.”

“That doesn’t mean you have to give up on your own life for them.”

_You still don’t see._ “I’m the only child. I don’t have any aunts or uncles.”

Kasumi shook her head, shrugging ‘so?’ “Don’t you get it? I’m the last Ichigaya. If I don’t get married and have children, that’s it. My parents, my grandparents, all their history is gone forever.” Arisa bit at her lip. “I can’t do that to them.”

“Did you never even think,” Kasumi asked, cold pain in her voice, “about having a family with me? That I might want a family with you?”

_Have a…?_ Arisa looked up, her shame overcome by confusion. “Huh? Did you sleep through health class or something? You do realize we’re both girls, right?”

“There’s already scientists working on a way. I read about it. It’ll be a long time, but…”

Arisa couldn’t focus on whatever Kasumi had started reciting about stem cells and genetics. _She looked this up. This isn’t something she just heard about. She’s been researching how to have children with me while I’ve been counting the days until we broke up._

“…and besides,” Kasumi finished, even if that never works out, there’s always adoption.”

Still stunned, Arisa stammered, “Who— Who’d let a couple of single girls adopt a child together?” _She really thinks we can have a life together? Is that even possible? She'd put up with everything that means just to be with me?_

“Who’s single?”

“You know what I mean.”

“Unmarried.”

“Yeah.”

“So we’d get married.”

Arisa frowned. “Come on, you know women can’t marry each oth—” _Wait, waitwaitwait_ “Did you just…”

Finally letting her body relax, Kasumi stretched out and stood up. “How can you be such a pessimist?” she said, kicking her chair out of the way and settling onto the floor before Arisa. “Don’t you remember how we met?”

“O— of course.”

“You led me here. You put out those stickers at what, age 6? And a decade later, I followed them and met my most important person in the world. You think a miracle like that can happen, but that the laws will never catch up? I don’t know how long it’ll take, but I’ll wait if you will.”

_Hold on, really, hold on._ “Hoshi … do you know what you’re saying?”

“Do you love me?”

“Of course!”

“Don’t say ‘of course’ without thinking about it. I mean it, Ari, do you actually love me? Not as classmates, not bandmates, not best friends. Do you love me as one adult to another? One woman to another? Do you actually want a life with me?”

_What’s there to think about?_ “I love you.” _God, how did I come so close to losing you?_ “If there’s a chance … yes, I want it.”

Kasumi shook her head. “A chance doesn’t just happen. Are you really willing to stay with me and fight to get that chance, no matter what people say?”

“I’ll stay.”

“Well, then,” Kasumi said, the ferocity gone from her voice, “will you marry me?”

Arisa can’t put words to her thoughts, much less to her voice. She feels herself reach out and take Kasumi’s upraised hand. Then she’s sinking off her chair into Kasumi’s arms. “I’m sorry,” she sobs. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Kasumi rubs her back, and she feels Kasumi’s hands trembling as they caress her. “I’m sorry,” is all she can say. _I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve her._

“Is that a yes?” Kasumi whispers in her ear.

“Dummy.” Arisa laughs once through her tears. “Yes.”

* * *

When Arisa finally stood up, Kasumi caught her hand immediately. “You’re not leaving me tonight.”

“I don’t want to, but if they notice I’m missing in the morning…”

“I think we both need to talk to your grandparents tomorrow, right?”

“You’ll come with me?”

“Always.”

Arisa pulled _my … fiancée? My wife? My Kasumi_ to her feet. Taking her other hand, she asked, “Do you really think it’ll work? That we can do this?”

“I didn’t say it would be easy. But I promised I’d always love you, no matter where we went.”

“You have. Even when I haven’t deserved it.”

Kasumi freed her hands and lightly bopped Arisa on the head. “Don’t talk like that. You’ve stayed with me through all my problems too.” She paused, discomfort coming over her face. “Ari, why didn’t you tell me you were feeling like this?”

“You’ve been so … so alive recently. I couldn’t bring you down again. Ow!”

Kasumi had bonked her on the head again, this time less gently.

“I didn’t ask to be coddled.”

“I know, I’m sorry—”

“So you kept it to yourself, until you convinced yourself it was hopeless and nearly broke up with me. You think that was a better choice than being honest?”

“No, I know. I’m really, really sorry.” _But what’s actually changed?_ “Kasumi … why couldn’t I see a way forward with you? You made it seem so obvious, but I spent months looking for a way out of this without hurting you and couldn’t find one.” _Why didn’t it even occur to me that we could just refuse to give up?_

Kasumi stepped away and began setting up her futon. _She’s embarrassed by whatever she wants to say_ , Arisa recognized. With her back turned, she responded, “Why couldn’t I do anything about my depression without you? It seems so obvious looking back. It’s easy to get stuck when you only listen to your own worries.”

_She’s grown up so much_ , Arisa thought. _So why do I still feel like a kid playing at life?_

Kasumi had finished and was watching her. “Something else on your mind?” she asked.

“N— Ah … I was just thinking how mature you are.”

“Well I have to be when you put me through so much drama!” Arisa looked down, about to apologize again when a pillow struck her in the head. “I’m kidding, come here already.” Kasumi sat down in the futon and patted her legs. Arisa kneeled onto the floor and crawled in the bed, burying her face in Kasumi’s lap. “I don’t know what I’m doing either,” came her partner’s voice from above. “But I believe in you. In us.” Hands came down on Arisa’s head, and she felt Kasumi pulling out her hair ties, then fluffing out her hair.

Arisa rolled over, looking up at Kasumi, suddenly sure about at least one thing. “Hey, Hoshi.” She reached a hand into the air, and Kasumi leaned in to nuzzle it. “If we do have a family someday … I don’t want you to take my family name. I want yours. I mean!— If you’ll have me.”

“Ari … I’d be honored. But I thought…”

“I thought so too. But this family … I’m grateful for everything they’ve done, but this is my past. You’re my future.” _My future. It doesn’t seem so scary with her._

Kasumi leaned down and kissed Arisa. “I love you, Toyama Arisa.”

Arisa jerked as she felt a shiver fly through her. _Whoa_ “Again,” she gasped.

Whispering, Kasumi repeated, “Toyama Arisa.” Another jolt down her spine. _I hope I never get used to that._

Turning onto her side, Arisa pulled her legs up into a ball and sunk into Kasumi. “I love you too.”

A hand made its way along the back of her shirt, then found its way up onto her bare skin, where it stroked gently. “Ari~” Kasumi called down to her. “Want to try for that baby?”

“Huh? I told you, girls can’t hav—” she started, but when she turned to look at Kasumi, a grin answered her confusion. Arisa quickly spun back over and hid her face, cheeks burning. “T—Turn the lights off.”

**Author's Note:**

> That's all for this short story, but another even further ahead in time is in the works. May come back to something set in the time between LD and BOF some day, who knows.
> 
> Oh, and 星 hoshi means star. Once I thought of Arisa coming up with that pet name for Kasumi, I just had to go with it.


End file.
